it was like eating out sand paper
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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