We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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