i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
