We're facebook friends in real life
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
