pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
