This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
