and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
