I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need water and some morals
Randomize
