Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
