I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
