a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
