She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
