# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So much rum. So many feels.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
