the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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