id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
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Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?