The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.