Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.