My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species