i don't like sucking hair
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.