wrigley field is MILF paradise
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning