did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.