I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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