Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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