so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
