Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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