2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
