if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
