So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'm really busy with my period
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