You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How does one acquire holy water?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
