I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry about my life...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
