just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
