So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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