guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
