Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
