just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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