you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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