she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
