you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
