Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
