"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
