Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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