There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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