best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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