you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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