...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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