I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
