I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
