those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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