I bet he comes in French.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
