I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize