i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
