Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
