Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
