It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
why do cheetos always look like penises
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
