just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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