First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
