Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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