And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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