I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
