Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
