Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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