I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
