so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
