Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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