Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
